"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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