I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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