one might say we're banned from that church
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
