hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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