And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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