Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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