One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
