For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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