So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
