if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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