Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
