wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
