I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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