Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
