What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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