My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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