when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
