so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I smell like Dick and happiness
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
