I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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