I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
