Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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