Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
