my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
