I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked