Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
