what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Randomize
