I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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