SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
