I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
