if you like me you must not know who I am
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
