im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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