i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
