And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize