We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
