hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just threw up on my dentist
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
