i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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