This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
