i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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