I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
