I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
