just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
