my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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