I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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