you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
