i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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