I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
