I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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