we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You don't make any sense
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