My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
last night I used snow as a chaser
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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