he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.