Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

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  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1315) Bad night (577)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.

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  (203): That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song. http://tfl.nu/uhw8
  Replies (13) Good night (582) Bad night (2099)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight

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  (513): stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight http://tfl.nu/lu33
  Replies (9) Good night (5029) Bad night (1067)
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  (408): View more from California

  He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this

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  (408): He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this http://tfl.nu/m93u
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (3738)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.

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  (404): I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit. http://tfl.nu/bfom
  Replies (5) Good night (1331) Bad night (2975)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.

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  (940): Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line. http://tfl.nu/5wo4
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (1719)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."

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  (330): Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control." http://tfl.nu/dz9s
  Replies (12) Good night (1651) Bad night (566)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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  (814): I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls? http://tfl.nu/unf7
  Replies (8) Good night (1642) Bad night (679)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

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  (780): No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace http://tfl.nu/va4a
  Replies (8) Good night (1805) Bad night (627)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness

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  (917): he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness http://tfl.nu/2dob
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (848)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.

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  (313): We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood. http://tfl.nu/swis
  Replies (4) Good night (661) Bad night (1490)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?

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  (503): How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor? http://tfl.nu/eg7j
  Replies (6) Good night (1269) Bad night (915)
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  (655): View more from

  Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?

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  (655): Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall? http://tfl.nu/cvrt
  Replies (12) Good night (1823) Bad night (380)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.

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  (775): The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/blle
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (703)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation

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  (281): I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation http://tfl.nu/41s4
  Replies (1) Good night (240) Bad night (341)

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