you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.