p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
