I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila