I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
