it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I want is dick and wine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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