I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
