From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
