So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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