mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
