I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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