I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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