i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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