I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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